Awkward Questions Are Better Not To Be Answered
by Happyteehee
Summary: Is Gintoki a virgin? And who was his first love? Kagura, Shinpachi and Name wants answers and the story of Gintoki's first love unfolds... Spoiler: Don't your decision, really read if you haven't read chapter 336-339.


_Awkward Questions Are Better Not To Be Answered, The Answers Are Usually Even More Awkward Than The_

_ Question Itself, Plus A Child's Imagination Have No Limits._

**That's the full title!  
Anyway, I couldn't help myself, I started to watch Gintama again and this is the outcome =_= **  
**Oh, dear Lord...Oh, well. Can never get enough of Gintama, can we? ;D**  
**There's also a small spoiler here, so if you haven't read from chapter 336-339 you should be in for a treat. Or read this fic after you've read the chapters mentioned.**  
**And another thing, like every other Gintama FF I've written there's a "Reader" or a "You" person, but "you" are referred to as "[Name]". **  
**Now that I'm done with the AN all I have to say is; Enjoy! Or at least try to, please :]**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama or you! **

* * *

It was a quiet day in Kabuki-Cho, the sun was shining and people were happy. However, in the Yorozuya household there were a rather heated discussion and it all started with a simple question from [Name].

"Hey, Gintoki, are you a virgin?"

Said man choked on his strawberry milk and spit it out on the glasses wearing person, Shinpachi[1], who yelled something about courtesy and not spitting milk on people. The redheaded girl named Kagura stopped eating her _sukonbu_and looked intently at Gintoki, who still hadn't answered the question. His mouth opened and closed like a fish's mouth, his cheeks were even a little red.

"Well are you?"  
asked [Name] again.

"NO! Of course not! I like women, women who knows how to be submissive towards their men!"

"Ah...I didn't ask about any women..."  
[Name] said and grinned, she wasn't going to let this slip away just yet. She had seen the video of Gintoki getting punk'd (it was the funniest video of 2012, so far) and later she had run into Hasegawa-san who was drunk and told her a _very _fascinating story about her favorite silver-haired samurai.

"Gin-chan, are you a virgin like Shinpachi?"

"What? Ka-Kagura-chan? Oi, why are suggesting that I'm a virgin, not that it's wrong to be one!"

"Yes, yes it is."  
Said the other tree in unison. Shinpachi got up from the couch and started (or tried) to defend his virgin honor.

"It is not! Besides, I don't believe in giving myself away to someone I don't care about. And Kagura-chan, you're too young to be interested in this kind of topic..."

"I'm not! I'm very mature for my age, besides you're the one who would jump on any girl that smiles at you! Isn't that right, [Nickname]?"

"I have to agree with Kagura-chan, you're desperate, Megane-kun."[2]  
[Name] said and folded her arms in front of her.

Gintoki had sneaked off to the bathroom, he couldn't stand being accused for being something he clearly wasn't. Or was he?

_"Why the hell would [Name] ask such a question? It can't be that...she...Hasega-"_

A loud (girly-like) scream where heard coming from the bathroom, the three hurried to the bathroom door. They didn't know that Gintoki had eaten something he shouldn't have. Shinpachi knocked on the door and said,

"Gin-san! Is everything alright in there?"

"Did something get caught in your zipper? If it did, it's better to just rip it off, there weren't anything special down there anyway!"

"Kagura-chan!"

Shinpachi scolded, he didn't want to know what exactly went on in there, especially not if it was about a zipper and skin...

"Gintoki, I'm coming in!"

[Name] said, she had seen every side of Gintoki there were to be see, plus she wasn't shy at all.

"Don't come in!"  
Gintoki yelled, there were no zipper action, just stomach ache and the memory of finding out that he and Hasegawa-san (he felt nauseous when he thought of the Madao) had done the forbidden dance. Or thrust. In a bathroom.

The other tree on the other side of the door exchanged looks and went back into the living room.  
Kagura continued on her _sukonbu _while Shinpachi poured [Name] a cup of tea. Gintoki was still in the bathroom and everyone thought he was acting weirder than usual. He was the kind of guy who would debate and discuss until his face became blue, but now he had just gone in hiding in the bathroom. Something was up, or so they thought, it hadn't occurred to them that he was just taking a dump.

"Do you think he's alright?"  
Kagura asked and served herself with another _sukonbu, _Shinpachi shook his head and sighed,

"I don't know. It's not like Gin-san to-"

"Act like a girl?"  
[Name] shot in,

"run away. Well, actually he does run away quite often, but he never hides in the bathroom? Maybe he got hurt by your question, [Name]-san?"

[Name] snorted,  
"As if! It's Gintoki! He would have thrown an insult back at me and being a virgin isn't something you should be ashamed of, Shinpachi."

"Yeah, Shinpachi."  
Kagura agreed.

"Why are you saying my name...I'm not ashamed! Actually, I love Otsuu-chan! One day I will give myself to her! She's the goddess of light, every fart and every poop is like gold! Ah...I-I didn't..."

"...You're sick, Shinpachi."

"Uh-huh."

The two girls looked at him with disgust, Shinpachi decided it was his clue to leave and go home to his gorilla of a sister and just go to sleep. He said his goodbyes, even to Gintoki who still was in the bathroom, and went home.

"[Nickname], do you think Gin-chan's a virgin, too?"

[Name] pondered about it for a second before she answered,

"No. I don't think so."

"Maybe it was with a princess?"  
Kagura asked excitedly,

"And perhaps she was the Empress Rashonda of the planet Medisu, where the evil Askepott-sama [3] held her

father, Plopomon, prisoner! He, Askepott-sama, wanted her hand in marriage, but she declined because she

was in love with Gin-chan."

[Name] was now the one listening intently, one of the things she liked the most with Kagura was her imagination, somehow it always sounded so real. Gintoki was listening from the bathroom, thinking '_what the hell?' _while taking a dump.

"Gin-chan being Gin-chan didn't want Empress Rashonda as his wife, only as his lover. She also was a slut so

she agreed to run away, but not with Gin-chan since that was what he wanted. Sadly, Askepott-sama

discovered the young Empress who were trying to steal the big ham she wanted to eat for later..."

_"Why the hell would she steal a ham, a big ham?"_  
Gintoki thought, he was also listening to Kagura's very strange theory.

"What happened next?"  
[Name] asked, the story of Gintoki's old flame was sad and wonderful at the same time!

"_THERE'S NO OLD FLAME NAMED EMPRESS RASHONDA! AND WHY THE HELL IS HER NAME __RASHONDA? IS SHE FROM THE GHETTO OR SOMETHING?"_  
Gintoki thought, he wanted to smack them both, but he was currently busy so he couldn't do so.

"Gin-chan had already arrived on Earth, so he couldn't save Empress Rashonda. Instead, he asked the

knight Knightomon[4] to fight in his stead, which Knightomon did. Askepott-sama's henchmen overheard

Knightomon on the phone with Gin-chan talking about the rescuing of Empress Rashonda. He ordered his

henchmen to trap Knightomon up in a closest, because he was claustrophobic."[4]

"Oh my God! What happened next? Did Knightomon survive?"  
[Name] asked worriedly.

Kagura smirked and leaned back on the couch with a _sukonbu _between her lips,

"Yes. Knightomon's friend, Loddy who were a hunchback was psychic, he could see into the future, so the

person Askepott-sama thought he had trapped in the closet was just a blow-up doll."

[Name] clapped her hands with tears in her eyes,  
"Thank God Knightomon had a friend like Loddy..."

"Uh-huh, but now they had to rescue Empress Rashonda! She was locked up in a closet, too!"

_"Another closet? What is it with that kid and closets? Have I overlooked something about her, is she locked up in a  
closet of her own?"_  
Gintoki thought, he had finished his "business", but he didn't want to go out to the two idiots who were making up a story of his love life.

"Askepott-sama was afraid of light bulbs because they would always explode whenever he was near.

Knightomon and Loddy bought a lightbulb cannon at the item store _Laputa_, then they hurried to his-"

"Hey, sorry, I forgot my Otsuu-chan CD."

"..."

"What?"  
Shinpachi asked with a blank look, the two girls looked somewhat shocked, why he didn't know.

"It's Gin-chan's love story..."

"Ah...Wh-why are you talking about that without Gin-san?"

"Shut up Shinpachi and just listen!"  
Kagura said and continued her story.

"Like I said before Shinpachi ruined the story with his presence,"  
Kagura shot Shinpachi a grimace, he just sighed and took the insult,

"Knightomon and Loddy hurried to Knightomon's house to get his alien tiger they could fly on. They flied to

Empress Rashonda's castle which Askepott-sama had taken over, he was trying to make the young Empress

wear a school uniform, but she denied to use it since it was her love suit she had gotten from Gin-chan."

Shinpachi's hand shot up,  
"E-excuse me, but what the hell are you talking about, Kagura-chan?"

"I told you, stupid megane!"

"Eh, well, I don't think that's a good enough explanation! Where's Gin-san by the way, is he still in the bathroom?"

"Dunno, probably. Maybe he's trying his best to push it out, Megane-kun."  
[Name] said, Shinpachi's eye twitched slightly, how Gintoki could still be in this house was a mystery because he just wanted to leave! Although, he wanted to hear the rest of the story...

"Can I continue the story? It's not going to be any good if there's interruptions all the time, Shinpachi."

Shinpachi made a noise and [Name] apologized. Kagura tried yet again to tell her story.

"Empress Rashonda had many friends who worked in the prostitution profession, so it was easy for her to get

hold of suits, costumes and other toys. However, Askepott-sama wanted to destroy every toy she had and

buy new ones, but Empress Rashonda hid the toys so she could play with them later, and if she was lucky

enough, play with Gin-chan as well."

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! STOP TELLING THAT STORY! WHO'S EMPRESS RASHONDA, WHO'S LODDY, WHO THE HELL IS KNIGHTOMON? THERE WERE NO TOYS, THERE WERE NO COSTUMES AND THERE WERE DEFINITELY NOT A LIGHT BULB CANNON!"

Gintoki yelled and panted, he couldn't stand hearing anymore of that story and that was probably a good thing, it was starting to sound like it should been rated R.

"But Gin-chan! Let me finish it! It's not a lot left!"  
Kagura pleaded,

"Yeah, Gin-san, I want to hear the rest of the story, too."  
Shinpachi said,

"Kagura, you'll tell it later, right?"  
whispered [Name], Kagura winked at her and giggled.

"I'll tell the end of the story!"  
Gintoki said and sat down beside [Name], he gave her an angry look and "Tch'd"

"Okay~, lets see...oh, right. Everyone died except me, I sent a rocket up and it exploded. The end."

The other three had their mouths open and started asking questions, mostly about his relationship with Knightomon... Gintoki sighed and wished for a day where he wasn't surrounded by idiots, but that wouldn't be any fun.

* * *

~At midnight~

Gintoki had woken up in the middle of the night, he couldn't fall asleep because Kagura's story still lingered in

his mind. He went to his desk and opened the drawer, in it was a small box with the Dragon Ball characters on

it. He opened it and took out a photograph with him, Knightomon, Loddy and Empress Rashonda. A smile was

on his face as he remembered the words he had exchanged with his old friend Knightomon;

"_That's not my arm..._"

* * *

**[1] - A joke, it's the glasses that are wearing Shinpachi, not Shinpachi wearing glasses. Can't remember which chapter it was, though. **  
**[2] - Megane- glasses**  
**[3] - Askepott - it's Norwegian for Cinderella. XD**  
**[4] - Claustrophobia - fear of having no escape and being closed in small spaces or rooms.  
[5] - Knightomon - Bad imiganation, that is all...**

**I'm kind of proud of this...Just a little bit. x]  
It's difficult to think like Kagura, her backstories are always so awesome and fun. I hope I didn't completely fail at this...**  
**As long as you guys enjoyed it, I'm happy :D**

**-Teehee~.**


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